Books and Movies, as Usual

“The difference between a democracy and a dictatorship is that in a democracy you vote first and take orders later; in a dictatorship you don't have to waste your time voting.”

I took a break from Ayn Rand, halfway through Atlas Shrugged, to read some Bukowski. Nothing provides relief from epic, superhuman characters who bend the world to their ends by sheer force of will than a bunch of useless alcoholics who find time for plot and character development in between glasses of wine and doubles of vodka. I actually enjoy Bukowski quite a bit; there's something believable and extremely sad about his listless characters, too burned out on life to realize the futility of their empty existence.

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I watched "the Edukators," a superb German film about a trio of socialist vandals caught somewhere between idealism and the real world. Highly recommended. I'm not sure what it is, but Eurpoean cinema does a superb job of capturing a realness in their actors, settings and stories that their American counterparts.

Kicking, Screaming and Tears of Repentance

"Oh, I've been to Prague. Well, I haven't 'been to Prague' been to Prague, but I know that thing, that, 'Stop shaving your armpits, read the Unbearable Lightness of Being, date a sculptor, now I know how bad American coffee is thing...'"
"They have good beer there."
"... now I know how bad American beer is thing."

This evening I watched a spectacularly entertaining movie, Kicking and Screaming, directed by Noah Baumbach (not to be confused with a Will Ferrel comedy of the same name.) The movie is about a group of educated guys who just graduated from college are spending their time drifting aimlessly waiting for real life to kick in. The movie has virtually no plot, and the sets are merely peripherals. What this film is about is dialogue, and this is absolutely glorious. Lines like the above quote, or "And I say, to paraphrase myself, if Plato is a fine red wine, then Aristotle is a dry martini," or "I'm nostalgic for conversations I had yesterday. I've begun reminiscing events before they even occur. I'm reminiscing this right now. I can't go to the bar because I've already looked back on it in my memory... and I didn't have a good time." As the characters drift through the semester, appropriately divided into now-meaningless phases like "midterms" and "winter break", the essentially subsume their lives in pointless conversation and alcohol. Perhaps there is something akin here to the classis pointless stoner flick, except that the stoners are all Yale graduates strung out on apathy instead of pot. All in all, it was a great film.

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In the realm of spiritual musings, I'm wondering if the church hasn't lost all sense of biblical repenteance. We have been so dominated by the pragmatic, "practical" approach to life that we interact with sin like Weber's man interacts with the rock in his backyard. "It's there, now how do I utilize the tools I have to move it." You struggle with pornography? Develop psychological tricks to beat it. A pastor is in sin? Fire him. You lack in love for God? Read your bible more.

Don't misunderstand; some of these things are good and useful ideas. However, the biblical response to sin always begins (and oftentimes ends) with repenting of it. In greek, the word "to repent" is "metanoeo," a combination of "meta," which is "to change," and "noeo," which means "perception or understanding." In essence, biblical repentance is to change our understanding of our sin so that it matches God's. This should be our first response whenever we face struggles.

As an example, I remember reading Every Man's Battle a few years ago. The book addresses dealing with lust in the believer's life. While the book had some good and bad things to say, I felt like its ultimate failing was not in what it said but in what it didn't say. The first act a believer should take in confronting lust is not "bouncing your eyes" or "building fences." Instead, it should be to confront the sin in your heart for what it is and grieve it. A believer should look at lust and see that its ugly and objectifying. It is born of selfishness, pride and insecurity. It misunderstands God's plan for good and joy-filled sexuality, and it turns women made in God's image into conquests or playthings. What's more, it trades the image we should have in our minds of Christ's faithful and selfless love of His Bride for a hollow sham. To truly repent, a believer should take all these things to heart and meditate on them. He should be broken in seeing his own depravity as a righteous God sees it and grieve the wickedness in his heart. This is the chief response to sin the Bible commands, and should be our chief response as well.

Don't misunderstand; there is a place for these practical strategies. However, without true repentance they are simply hollow legalism, which simply increases our guilt. In beginning to change our perception of sin to conform to that of God, many of the practical struggles will fall into place on their own.

"All right, Mr DeMille, I'm ready for my close up"

I'm gonna live forever. I'm gonna learn how to fly.
I feel it comin' together. People will see me and cry.
I'm gonna make it to heaven. Light up the sky like a flame.
I'm gonna live forever. Baby, Remember my name.

I've apparently taken another step down the road to fame, glory, disillusionment and an eventual decline into rampant drug use and nihilism. Today in the Union, my normal reading of the Times was inturrupted by a girl wanting to take my picture for her "fashion blog." While the exact purpose of such a blog evades me, I am indeed now on the internet, complete with the dorky flipped up scarf and fake smile totally at odds with the story about North Korean refugees I was reading.

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A few brief entertainment-related notes to anyone who's interested:

The Pipettes - We Are the Pipettes: This album keeps growing on me. If you exclusively like complex technical music, powerful emotive lyrics, or anything like opera or free jazz, steer clear. However, if you can see the joy in doo-wop harmonies coming from three girls in polka-dotted dresses with songs about boys and breakups with a decidedly feminist spin, all backed by indy-pop, dancable music, give them a listen.

The Knife - Silent Shout: Brilliant, brilliant Swedish electronic music. I'm just beginning to delve into this album, but its dark and moody, and does a brilliant job of keeping things fairly minimalistic while still having lots of creativity and dissonance.

Renaissance: A great little art-theatre entertainment, this movie animates over live-action captured characters to get a graphic novel look that's a cross between Sin City and a Richard Linklater film. The plot is fairly intriguing, the near-future setting is brilliant, and the cinematography is both impressive and immersive. My one gripe is that the voicing/acting of some of the characters is sketchy, but its hardly noticeable.

Bunny: I rarely mention my love of webcomics, but I find this one to be a particular gem. Forget about characters, plots, and often even a basic ability to be understood; Bunny is essentially a single inked, surrealist fram with an amusing caption. Its hit or miss, but when it hits I have been known to be reduced to helpless laughter at my keyboard.

A Long-Delayed Return

The man wearily rose to his feet and stepped through the door into the hot desert air. With the weight of three-score years and a thousand disappointments, he walked to the west, as he had every day. The winding path carried him up and over the weathered ridge near his home. He descended the other side, half-there, half-lost in memory, and stepped out into the familiar bed of the stream. It was dry; it was always dry; he didn't have to look to know that it was dry, just as it had been for the last twenty years.

He felt something cool trickle into his sandal and around his foot. Not daring to look, he sunk to his knees and stretched out his hand. Tiny rivulets of precious water danced through his fingers. "It had returned. At long last, it had returned!"

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So yes, after a prolonged hiatus I have decided to return to the wonderful world of blogging. I think it will once again be a semi-regular occurence for me to post, so if you wish you can check back more often.


As for a brief update: I spent this Fall Break in Saint Louis, which was enormously enjoyable. I went down with a couple of RUFers and stayed with them, which was great, because they were very chill about the whole trip. I also got to hang out some with Nathaniel and Melynda, and visit with a few more Covenant students. It definately made me more sure that is probably where I am headed after school, barring unforseen events intervening.

Highlights of the trip would include: going to an art movie, shopping on the loop, having a long conversation with Nathaniel outside the St. Louis Art Institute, attending a party with Melynda hosted by a bunch of seminarians and picking their brains, sampling beer at the brewery where Nathaniel works, and visiting with people on the drives down and back. All in all, it was everything I could have wanted out of a road trip.

On the trip, I also started reading "Atlas Shrugged" by Ayn Rand. I've always had a love-hate relationship with Rand, both as an author and as a philosopher. I find her ideas immensely inspiring, and yet so clearly wrong that I can barely stand them. The thing about Rand is that, while her ideal characters tend to be egotistical bastards, they also appeal to some of the basest myths ingrained into the human psyche. I'll leave my thoughts on the text there for now; seeing that the book is over a thousand pages and I'm on 178, there will be lots of time in the future for more thoughts.